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佳译点评:LifeasaTallGirl(后附拙译)

2018-10-14 08:56 作者:翻译家汪德均  | 4条评论 相关文章 | 我要投稿

佳译点评:Life as a Tall Girl(后附拙译)

陈文伯先生是我素所敬仰的翻译名家,下面这篇佳译值得学习之处颇多。鄙人把学习该译作之心得公布于此,意在抛砖引玉,引起争鸣。不当之处,在所难免,祈望各位同学,亮出自己的观点。下面的方括号里即为拙评。

Life as a Tall Girl

女孩个儿太高也烦

陈文伯 译

【原文标题若从内容看,前面主要说个子太高带来的麻烦,后面不仅说了她如何克服这个不利因素,而且还转化成了有利因素,实际上是表现其心理成长经历】( 文章阅读网:www.sanwen.net )

Everywhere I go people stare at me. At the grocery store children gawk at me wide-eyed, craning their necks and pointing as they tug their mothers’ shirts. When I pass people on the street, I hear them mumble comments about my appearance.

无论我去哪儿人们都注视我。我去杂货店买东西,小孩会睁大眼睛昂起脖子望我,还扯母亲的衣角向我指指点点。我在街上从别人身旁走过时总会听见他们小声议论我的形象。

【二、三两句甚佳:聊聊几笔,呼之欲出!】

I am not deformed or handicapped, I’m not a circus attraction. I have

strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes. What makes me different is that I’m 6-foot-4, and I’m a woman.

我既不生得畸形,也并不成残废。【最好改此句号为逗号,删掉下句的“我”字】我也不像马戏团小丑那样引人注目【“小丑那样”四字加得好】。我的头发是略带金黄的红色【strawberry blonde不译成“草莓金”,妙!】眼睛是碧蓝的。我之所以与众不同是因我的身高达6英尺4英寸(1.93)米【“我之所以与众不同是”比“使我不同的是”好,但若译成“我之所以引人注目”更好,还可以呼应“马戏团小丑”那一句】,而且是个女的。【and译为“而且”,妙哉!】

My entire life has been influenced by the fact that I stand way above the average height for both men and women. I was born two weeks late. When I finally entered the world I weighed 11 pounds, 10 ounces and was 24 inches long. When my mom told my grandmother my measurements, she asked in amazement,

“Are you okay?!”

我长得不仅比一般女的高,而且比一般男的都高【妙!比“我的身高超过了一般的男女两性”好得多】,这一点影响了我一生。我晚出生了两周,最后出生时体重11磅10盎司(约5.3公斤),身长24英寸(约61厘米)。我母亲告诉我祖母我的称量时【measurements既指身高又指体重,而“称量”仅指“体重”,不如就用“身长体重”】,她很吃惊地问道:“你没事吧?”

Shortly after my birth, my parents and doctors started to worry that there was something wrong with me. From infancy though high school, my parents took me to specialists for X-rays, blood and bone tests and ultrasounds to try to discover the cause of my extreme height. In the end, however, I had no disease or syndrome. My parents are 6-foot-3 and 5-foot-10, so I was simply the extraordinary product of two tall individuals.

我出生不久,父母和医生都开始担忧,觉得我不对劲,怕我发生问题。从婴儿期到上中学,我父母带我找医学专家检查,作X光透视、验血验骨、作超声波测试,企图找出超高的原因,最终也无结果。我没病,也无病的症状。我父亲身高6英尺3英尺(1.91米),母亲5英尺10寸(1.78米)。我不过是两个高个子的特异产物而已。

I was healthy, but incredibly shy as a child and into my teens. I’m from a

small town, and I grew up and graduated with the same 50 people. I started playing basketball in third grade every Saturday, but I didn’t have any control over my awkward, gangly body. (I didn’t even score a point in a game until many years later.) I was 5-foot-10 in fourth grade. I had a small group of friends in elementary school, but sometimes the boys picked on me, calling me a bean pole or the Jolly Green Giant. I still remember my embarrassment when they taunted me, and how badly I wanted to be invisible.

我身体健康,孩童时特别羞怯,青少年时还是如此。我老家在一座小镇,我在那儿长大上学,毕业时同级一共50人三年级时每周六都打篮球。我又高又瘦,动作笨拙,对这种身体状况我无法控制(参加篮球比赛我一分都得不到,这种状况多年后才有改观)。四年级时我身高5英尺10英寸,小学时我只有少数几个朋友,有时候男同学找我的茬儿,把我叫做“豆杆”(瘦高个儿)或“可笑的绿巨人”(广告牌上的画像),我不会忘记他们嘲笑我时我那窘相,恨不得一下子从地面消失【好一个“恨不得一下子从地面消失”!】。

In high school I got more involved in sports, but I spent most days in the art room. By this time everyone at my school was used to my height (by ninth grade I was 6-foot-3), but if I went out of town people would gawk and comment about my appearance. They acted like I couldn’t hear them.

中学时我更多地参加体育运动,但大部分时间都在艺术教室度过。这时学校里人人都看惯了我的高个子(到了九年级我已经是6英尺3英寸了)。但如果出城去,人们还是会盯住我看,而且还品头论足,他们这样做就像我听不见他们的话一般。

“Wow! That girl is tall!”

“Oh my gosh! Look at that girl, she’s so tall.”

I was forced into the spotlight wherever I went.

“哇,那女孩好高的个儿!”

“呀,老天!瞧那女孩,那么高。”

不管去哪儿我都身不由己地成了议论的焦点。【本句遗貌取神,甚妙!比较:“无论去哪儿,我都被迫进入了聚光灯下。”】。

With high school came more confidence. I had success in school, the arts and sports. I played basketball, but my true passion was track and field. My senior year I was the conference champion in high jump and the 400-meter run.

The friendships I gained through my involvement in high school boosted my confidence and helped me develop a sense of humor. Now when a stranger told me I was tall I would smile and nod or, if I was feeling feisty, I would feign

shock and thank them profusely for telling me. I had no idea!

上中学的时候我的信心增强了。我的成绩优胜,艺术课和体育课都不错。我打篮球,但真正的兴趣还是田径运动。毕业那年无论是跳高还是400米短跑我都是学校体育联合会的冠军【“体育联合会”似应为“体育联赛”】。我在中学结交朋友,他们的友谊增强了我的信心,还让我培养出处事幽默感【宜删掉“处事”;不仅多余,而且“出、处”相连难听】。现在如有陌生人说我个子高,我就会对他笑笑、点点头;要是我为此感到不舒服,我就会假装吃了一惊,并连声感谢他告诉我这一事实,我自己还不知道呢【妙!】!

Still, society keeps me aware of my status as a rarity. The retail industry

doesn’t exactly cater to a woman with a 37-inch inseam and size 14 feet. I never dated, let alone kissed a guy until I was in college. And even though people tell me I’m beautiful and I should be a model, there are times when I would trade in my long legs for a petite frame and tiny feet.

世人不断地让我意识到【此译甚佳】我是社会中异物这一身份【“异物”完全讲得通,考虑到原文用rarity,恐怕还是译为“珍稀物种”为佳】。零售商不会为一个女人提供裤管内缝达37英寸的衣服,也不会提供足长14英寸的鞋子【size 14 feet应为“穿14码鞋子的脚”,故此句应译为“也不会提供14码的女鞋”。此句意为“商店通常买不到适合我身材的服装与鞋袜”注:通常美国商店里女鞋最大尺码为size 13 即13码,相当于我国的45.5码】。我从未和男孩约会,上大学以前从未与人接吻。尽管有人对我说我很漂亮,该当模特,但我仍不时有这样的念头,宁愿把我修长的腿去交换娇小的身躯和尖尖的小脚。

【注:2013—2014的五个月间,我在美国西雅图至少逛了100多天大大小小的各种商场,所见女鞋货架上标出的最大号为size 13。美国鞋码,男、女、儿童各不相同。百度一下,自然清楚】

I often wish people weren’t so rude. How can they act so unabashedly shocked when they see someone who is different from them? And I’ve got it easy; I’m a minority only in the sense of height. I can only imagine how those under the burden of a group prejudice based on their race or religion must feel. I like to think that those who have insulted me didn’t intend to. I do believe that most people are basically good, but they can be insensitive.

我常盼望人们在我面前别太粗鲁【“盼望”,妙!】。有人一见和他不一样的人便毫不掩饰地大为吃惊,怎能这样【此译甚佳!】?我现在也处之泰然【妙!】了。我只是因为身高的原因成为孤立的少数。我也能想象那些受到源自种族或宗教的群体偏见所压迫的人会有什么感受。我总是认为侮辱我的那些人并非故意,我相信大多人基本上是善良的,他们的行为可能也是无意识的【“行为”二字加得好!】。

I have come to learn that my height can be used to my advantage. I’ll be

graduating from college with a journalism degree soon, and when I stand up and ask a question, people listen. I’m a pretty decent high jumper, I can reach things on tall shelves, and I have a conversation starter for every occasion.

我逐渐认识到我的身高也有优越性。我不久就要从大学新闻系毕业,作为记者站起来提问时,人们会听我说。我是个相当出色的跳高选手。我还可拿到架子上层的东西【妙!】。我在任何场合都能引发人们议论。

Being a tall woman was hard for me growing up. But in the end, I think it has made me a stronger individual. I’ve grown into my body, and I try my best to wear all 76 inches of my height with pride, and take the awkward comments and stares with poise.

作为女性,个子高了成长就不容易【此译容易误解为个子太高吃穿费用过大;从全文看,意为”个子太高的确带来了一些烦恼“】。最终我还是认为个子高反而使我性格更强。我已经适应我的身体状况了【妙!】。我对自己76英寸(1.93米)的身高引以为荣,对那些让人尴尬的议论和注视一律泰然处之【妙】。

In fact, sometimes I wear heels. Just to make them look twice.

而且【妙!】,我有时还穿高跟鞋【我有时还故意穿穿高跟鞋】,就是为了让人回头再瞧一眼【妙!look twice若译成 “看两次”则兴味索然!】!

【附录:拙译如下】

高个儿女孩的成长经历

无论去哪儿,我都是人们注视的焦点。去杂货店,儿童会仰起头,瞪大眼睛盯着我,还扯着妈妈的裙角对我指指点点。在街上穿过人群时,我总是听见有人嘀嘀咕咕地议论我的外形。

我并非怪模怪样,也不是缺胳膊少腿,更不是马戏团引人注目的小丑。我眼睛碧蓝,一头红发,略带金黄。我之所以引人注目,仅仅是因为身高6英尺4英寸(1.93米),而且还是个女的!

我的个头不仅高于一般的女性,而且还超过一般的男性;这一点,影响到我的一生。我推后了两个星期才来到世间,体重11磅10盎司(约5.3公斤),身长24英寸(约61厘米)。妈妈把这一情况告诉奶奶时,奶奶吃惊地问道:“没有难产吧?”

我出生后不久,父母和医生们就开始为我担忧,总觉得我的身体有什么问题。于是从婴幼儿直到中学时期,父母带着我到处找专家检查:照片啦,测试血液与骨骼啦,做超声波啦,总想找到我个子超高的原因;结果什么也没找到,我既没病,也没有什么病的症状。只因我父亲身高6英尺3英寸(1.92),母亲5英尺10英寸(接近1.78米),我不过是两个高个儿的超常产品罢了。

而且我身体一直都健康,只是从儿时起就特腼腆,青少年时期依然如此。我在一个小镇长大,直到到中学毕业,同级的还是那50个人。从三年级起,我每周六都打篮球;尽管又高又瘦,行动却很不灵活(比赛中没得过分,多年以后才有所改观)。四年级时,我就有5英尺10英寸高了。小学时期,我只有为数不多的几个朋友;有时候,一些男生嘲笑我,叫我“豆架子”或“可笑的绿巨人”。我至今还记得被奚落时的那副窘相,当时真恨不得变成隐身人。

上了中学,我参加体育活动更多了,不过多数时间都花在了艺术室。这时,全校都习惯了我的身高(九年级时已达6英尺3英寸高了);但一出了镇子,人们就会吃惊地看着我,并且对我的身高品头论足。他们那样子,好像我听不见他们说话一样。

“哇!那女孩真高!”

“天哪!瞧那女孩儿,那么高!”

无论我走到哪儿,都不由自主地成了引人注目的焦点。

中学时期,我的自信心增强了不少,因为成绩很好,还有艺术和体育两门特长。我虽然打篮球,却酷田径。毕业那年,我还获得了跳高和400米跑的联赛冠军。中学期间交了一些朋友,友谊增强了我的自信心,也培养了我的幽默感。现在,如果有陌生人对我说我的个子真高,我会对他微微一笑并且点点头;即便当时心情不佳,也会假装很吃惊,还连声感谢他告诉我这个情况,说我自己都还不知道呢。

然而,社会依然不断地使我意识到自己是个稀有品种。零售商店里没有内接缝37英寸的长裤,也没有适合我穿的14码的鞋子。上大学前,我从没有过约会,更不用说与哪个男生亲吻过。尽管有人对我说我很漂亮,应该去做模特儿,有时我也想用我那双长腿去交换娇小的身材和小脚。

我常常希望人们不要那么粗鲁。有些人看到有人与自己不同,就那么放肆地大惊小怪;至于吗?我倒是已经看开了:我成为少数人,仅仅是因为身高。由此我能想象得到,那些在种族与宗教偏见重压下的人们,他们是什么样的感受!但我倾向于认为,那些觉得我不正常的人并不是故意的。我也坚信,大多数人本性是善良的,但他们可能对他人的感受麻木不仁。

我也渐渐认识到,身高也可以是我的优势。我即将获得新闻专业的学位从大学毕业;当我作为记者站起来提问时,容易引起人们的注意;我擅长跳高,架子最上层的东西也能拿到。任何场合,我都容易开始与人搭讪。

作为女性,个子太高曾给我带来额外的烦恼,但最终使我更加坚强;我不仅已经适应了我的身高,而且还对自己76英寸(1米93)的身高颇感自豪;面对那些笨拙的议论与目光,也早已安之若素。

不仅如此,有时我还偏要穿穿高跟鞋,就是想要他们多看一眼!

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佳译点评:LifeasaTallGirl(后附拙译)的评论 (共 4 条)

  • 听雨轩儿
  • 淡了红颜
  • 飞翔的鹰耿彪
  • 雪儿
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